Got a toothbrush?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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