honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize