he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
