is your mom at the bar?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
