Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
