ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
