I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
