Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
As shirtless as possible
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
