I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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