I wish I could teleport
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
