i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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