he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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