biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
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I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
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My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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