in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
