i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
