You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
