just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
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talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
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Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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