I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize