Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
