Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
