Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
