I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
