Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
