I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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