Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
