I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Terrible idea I love it
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
