i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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