Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
