Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I will be naked everywhere
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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