Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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