i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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