I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dignity is for republicans.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
