Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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