Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
