I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
