I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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