I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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