She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
