yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
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i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
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took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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