He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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