I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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