Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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