Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
