oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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