you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
