My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
