Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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