The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
