you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize