We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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