i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i think i have herpe
just one?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
