the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
