Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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