Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
