What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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