speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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