i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
