I just pynch a tree in the face
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
