I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
