so that wasnt chicken after all
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
